Oh, Canada

"They may not win, but they lose beautifully."

Needless to say, this is not Canada's Olympics.

Here's a bit of a rundown: China currently has 41 medals, 26 of which are gold. The United States has 48 medals, 15 golds. Germany has 14 medals, Australia has 20, Russia has 19, France has 18, Britain has 8. Hell - even Togo has a medal. Kazakhstan (think Borat) has 5!

My country has 0 medals. No gold, no silver, no bronze. We are in 57th place. I'm not a sports person - I don't watch them OR play them. Especially team sports. I'm just not interested, I never have been (apart from horseback riding, of course). For some reason, I still feel a teensy bit bad that my country hasn't managed to scoop at least one or two bronze medals. I guess it's the whole international publicity thing.

What is our excuse? Luckily, I have a few prepared...

Firstly - the summer Olympics just isn't Canada's thing. Everyone knows that. We always do better in the winter sports... this year we're just taking it to extremes. We don't focus on these sports, so we shouldn't expect to clean up. Fair enough... except I'm pretty sure that we actually have quite a bit of mild weather in most of Canada. It's not like we live at the North Pole. Teach some people to swim already!

Then there's the whole debate about athlete compensation. Many countries reward their athletes with thousands or millions of dollars for winning medals, including the United States ($25,000 for gold). Some countries apparently give their athletes a lifelong pension if they win gold. Until recently, Canadians have only been given a pat on the back for winning. I gather it's because accepting a prize or money somehow interferes with their amateur status, although I'm not entirely certain how that all works. Sure, winning Olympic gold is priceless - but it would be nice to not be destitute after you win.

Canada also gives relatively little support to their athletes throughout their training. Our athletes have to make a living or resort to living in poverty. They aren't able to focus on their training the way some athletes in other countries are able to. For example, a friend of mine recently took a CPR course with a couple of girls from Canada's Olympic rowing team. After they get back from the Olympics, they're headed to med school. Clearly they have other things on their minds than simply being an athletic ambassador for Canada. Imagine if our government actually supported them enough so that they could treat their sport as a career?

I'm not really complaining about not paying our athletes enough - just offering it up as a possible reason for Canada's poor performance (although we've never been this bad, we never clean up like some countries do). I'm sure there are a lot of great athletes who never end up on the Olympic path because they can't afford it, or are able to make more money within their sport by going a different route. Ultimately, sports are pure entertainment. If the government is going to give money to potential Olympic athletes, then why aren't they providing an allowance to talented aspiring actors? It makes sense to me that if someone chooses to be an athlete then they should be willing to deal with living in poverty unless they can win. Once they win they can either make tons of money as a coach, or they can try to break into the world of celebrity by doing commercials or book deals. Winning a medal at the Olympics gives you a good footing in the world - why should they need any other compensation?

Another good point that my Dad made - the Canadian government does actually spend a lot of money on athletics. However, instead of paying out large purses to a few superstars, they spread their money out by supporting athletics programs across the country for young people and underprivileged people. I have to agree with this philosophy - I would much rather our tax money is spent on keeping kids out of trouble and teaching them about cooperation and teamwork than have it spent on rewarding Olympic athletes so that Canada can save face.

Anyways, it looks like we'll be rewarding athletes more in the future according to an article I found. Starting with the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Canadian athletes will receive $20,000 for gold, $15,000 for silver and $10,000 for bronze. In addition, it looks like they will be increasing federal grants for athletes to $18,000 a year. The article says that "The COC decided, in conjunction with its athlete advisory council, to concentrate its efforts more toward achieving results at Olympic Games and less on spreading money thinly across a wide range of programs." There's a good quote from athlete Adam van Koeverden (medal winner in Athens), where he says something to the effect that if Canadians want the athletes to beat other countries, they have to be willing to make sure the athletes can train on the same level as athletes in those other countries. Makes sense.

I guess you might say the incentive isn't working - but I think you'd be wrong. These new financial programs weren't put in place until last year. You can't really expect to see a change in the results after so short of a period. Training for the Olympics is a lifetime endeavor for most. There are probably quite a few athletes who didn't make it to Beijing because they couldn't afford it, or because long ago they decided not to try because the financial rewards just weren't worth it. I'm sure the effects of the changes won't show up until the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

Which brings me to my last conjecture.... Canada is spending all of it's money on the winter Olympics on our home turf. We have a better chance at the winter sports any way, so why not do things up properly? Do you think it's coincidence that they have all of a sudden implemented athlete support and compensation programs, right before we host our own Olympics? How embarrassing would it be to put in a performance like the one in Beijing? I read in the newspaper, and some Olympic bigwig was saying that if you don't like our performance in 2008, then be sure to lobby for more money spent on the athletes in the future. So, they're playing on our feelings of shame and humiliation in order to get more funds to put on a good show in Vancouver.

Whatever, we all know that our society's priorities are a little screwed up. And - I have to admit, it would be fun to kick butt at the next Olympics. See you in 2 years, bitches.